It’s an age-old question that will plague the still-conscious and those unconcerned with their image alike: sooner or later, everyone is going to have to switch their style up and just, quite simply, start dressing their age. We see it all across the globe: trends come and go, but they always have a unique loose age range—and limit—attached to them. Certain people begin to push the upper boundaries of this limit in an effort to hang on to the youth that they feel slipping from their fingertips like loose grains of sand. As a result, they end up looking foolish.
What are some of these trends, and when is it time to perhaps—and excuse the bad pun here—“hang up the hat”?
Trend 1: Major cleavage
Age Limit: 45, though it may vary.
All women are beautiful creatures, and not just in a physical sense, though if a particular women is…shall we say, well-endowed…and decides to flaunt this asset, all the more power to her. Unfortunately, there comes a time when every woman must decide if she wants to continue to be the flesh-baring goddess of her youth, or if she wants to adopt an iota of modesty as she approaches middle-age. I’m speaking nothing of the effects of gravity here—I simply refer to perhaps covering up what may have remained out in the open up until the age of, say 45. Rules are made to be broken, however: if you still consider the major cleavage look a distinct part of your persona, or appearing this way helps you really stay in touch with the essence of your true south, by all means, keep on keepin’ on!
Trend 2: The “crop top”
Age Limit: 40, though, again, this may vary.
Ahh, summertime. The bees are buzzing, the birds are chirping, the weather is warm, and you’re eager to show off that freshly tanned skin. Alas, if you’re of a certain age, it may be time to switch the style up from those crop tops that have been stuffed in your dresser for the entire winter. Don’t get us wrong, the crop top is a crucial look of youth, and seems to be one of those trends that simply refuses to fade away. However, the times, they are a-changin’, and if you’re approaching middle age, it might be time to cover up the middle. On the other hand, if you have the body or the confidence to rock such a revealing item, then who are we to stand in your way?
Trend 3: Overalls
Age Limit: 25, unless it’s Saturday and you’re heading to Home Depot and you’re going to paint the house later.
There’s been a disturbing resurgence in the prevalence of overall wearers in recent months, and we can’t say we’re comfortable with the denim one-piece’s return. Overalls are perfectly fine (and look very cute!) on toddlers and children, but once you reach a certain age, it may be time to either throw your pair of Levi overalls on the giveaway pile, or at least relegate them to the deepest, darkest corner of your closet. This trend has remained gender-neutral and has seemed to have taken both men and women by storm, but we sincerely wish it would just fade away back to the ether from whence it came. Slim-cut jeans are fine, and even a chambre shirt is okay every now and again. But when it comes to overalls in their purest form, you had better either be staining your deck, painting your house, or working on the railroad.
Trend 4: Fanny packs
Age Limit: Well, it’s hard to pin this one down, given that the most guilty parties are either under the age of 12 or over the age of 50. But there’s really no good age to rock a fanny pack.
Come on, do we really have to say this? Fanny packs were a joke even at the height of their popularity in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Since then, they’ve been reduced to a relic of the past for most—except for a small but vocal contingent of retro-minded individuals who insist on attempting to bring back this horrid trend. On the other hand, you have a separate group of people, typically over the age of 50, who are strapping on their fanny packs every day for the sake of practicality. We’d be hard-pressed to argue with them on this point. You really can’t deny that it’s nice to have a sort of saddlebag tied around your waist, allowing you to put all your various knick-knacks inside of it. Even so, what benefits it might have from a storage perspective are more than offset by the fact that it’s a completely dorky eyesore. In the name of fashion, fanny pack, begone!
Trend 5: Velour sweatsuits
Age Limit: 20? 18? Never?
For those of us who are tactile people, there aren’t many things more pleasurable than rubbing our hands over a velour sweatsuit. It’s soft, warm, comfortable, and reminds you of happier times. However, it looks absolutely atrocious, and must be done away with, or at the very least relegated to bedtime, when no one will see you except your spouse, who should love you through thick and thin, though may question the relationship when he or she sees you rocking your velour sweatsuit. The ensemble had its day and time, and Juicy definitely did its part to vault the velour sweatsuit to the top of the fashion map for a spell. But that day has come and gone, and it’s time for us to adopt real outfits and leave the velour sweats to the…well, to leave them to no one, because nobody has any business wearing something like this.
Have we covered all of the abhorrent, aging-out fashion trends of the world in this short article? Absolutely not. But have we hit some of the most disturbing? You bet. Now, I know you’re probably super-defensive about that fanny pack you have tightly cinched around your waist right now. That’s OK! You’re completely entitled to indulge on the trends you choose. Just know that from an outsider’s perspective…you’re lookin’ a fool!