There are few things in life more exciting than being in love. Your heart is afloat; your spirits are soaring. The mundane, everyday problems that normally weigh heavy on your mind become completely irrelevant. What is it I speak of? Some glorious, new antidepressant? No, it’s love! We’re all destined to feel it at some point in our lives, and when we do it will be glorious. Love is almost so great that it makes up for the fact that relationships these days simply just don’t seem to last. Why is it that today’s love doesn’t have any staying power?
- Couples aren’t having as much sex as they used to.
The prevailing notion is that we live in a society that is more hypersexualized than it’s ever been. Yet in spite of this, people are having far less sex than they used to. In fact, this could be a direct result of the blatant sexuality in our everyday lives: people feel like they’re getting there feel as they go on with their day, so when it comes to having actual intimate moments with the person they love, they feel as though it’s just not a necessity. Since there’s really no way to combat what we witness in the world, it’s unlike that this desensitization is going to change. Given what we know about relationships, for better or worse, sex is intrinsically linked to a healthy relationship. As a result, the decrease in sexual drive will also decrease the love in a relationship.
- Our selfish endeavors hinder us to the needs of others.
There is a pressure that most of us feel to get further ahead in life than our neighbor, to make more money, to be more attractive, and even noble endeavors, like to generally feel happier. In the race to achieve all of these things, we may forget to care for the needs of the person we love. It isn’t that we don’t want to make sure the significant others in our lives are happy. It’s that we simply leave it off our list of priorities when it comes to achieving what we think we must in order to consider our own lives successful. In order for love to survive, we need to put the priorities of others alongside our own, making sure they have at least equal merit to ours. When we consider the needs of the person we love, this will naturally increase how satisfied we are with ourselves.
- Today’s paths of communication make it harder to interpret emotion.
When was the last time you had a meaningful phone conversation with someone you cared about? And no, I’m not referring to a text message exchange, even one that was rich with emojis that embodied all of your particular emotions of the moment. No amount of kissy faces, hearts and thumbs-up can take the place of genuine face-to-face information exchanges. While technology isn’t completely to blame for the breakdown of sufficient emotional communication, it certainly has done us no favors when it comes to discussing and analyzing our thoughts and feelings in the presence of another person. These days, it seems like people are far more engrossed in the tiny bright screen they’re looking down on to than in the actual world around them. This undoubtedly has a detrimental effect on our love lives.
- We’re too worried about the paper.
No, I’m not referring to the daily news that’s delivered to your porch every morning. I’m talking about the rat race, the constant struggle to make as much money as possible. In the pursuit for tangible items, we convince ourselves that we need to make a certain amount of money in order to maintain a certain lifestyle. Blindly, we become certain that if we reach a particular level, all of our problems will be solved and we’ll be able to achieve true happiness. But as studies show, it is not the amount of money we make, but the quality of relationships, that determine the amount of satisfaction and contentment we feel over the course of a lifetime. Unfortunately, in our modern world, we are too blinded with immediate payoffs to look at things from this perspective. This is just another reason why the relationships we cultivated in earnest and born from love begin to crumble much sooner than they would otherwise, instead of lasting our entire lives.
- We learn from our parents who haven’t done the greatest job themselves.
History is the best indicator of the future, and unfortunately, with a divorce rate that sits well over 50%, our parents haven’t set the greatest example as far as the staying power of marriage is concerned. While we’re not talking about crumbling marriages here specifically, there’s definitely a trickle-down effect. If two young people have been jaded by the shortcomings of the previous generation or, in this case, have potentially witnessed the dissolution of the marriage of their parents then that won’t give them much hope when it comes to the staying power of their own bonds. Our futures are more manifest than we think, and if we enter into a relationship assuming that it’s going to be doomed from the start, then chances are we will fulfill our presumed destiny.
- We simply don’t feel the need for love anymore.
As we become more and more independent, we begin to look inside ourselves more for validation. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with deriving happiness from within, this may be to the detriment of loving relationships we form with others. The key is to strike a proper balance between the two of these, while it is crucial that one be at peace with oneself and be able to maintain an air of positivity derived from pride and a feeling of self-worth, this can be bolstered if we are able to find the right person.
Moral of the story: find happiness within yourself, and then and only then do you have a chance of finding successful love with another person. If not, then the whole thing just might be doomed.